Saturday, August 8, 2009

July 29, 2008

I am sorry it has been so long since I have posted. I am almost too embarrassed to continue this blog since I have not been keeping it up. However, in the last week or so I have come across a few people that mentioned my blog to me, and how it had helped them or someone they know. It has made me want to try my best to continue telling ours and Evan's story.

So, here is another post. I will pick up where I left off, but first I would just like to let everyone know that the past 6 months has brought a lot of healing and hope to our family. We found out we are expecting our third child this December and it is a boy. We haven't felt this kind of joy in a while.


July 29 , 2008

It was a Tuesday morning. I woke up early and called my OB's office as soon as it opened, 8am. I told the nurse over the phone that I would like to come in a check on the baby's heartbeat because I wasn't sure he was moving very much. She asked when the last time I felt him move was, and I told her I couldn't remember exactly. She asked me very sternly, "Why didn't you call sooner?" I shamefully said, "because I didn't know." I didn't know what else to say... She said to come in right away.

Cory came home to watch Allison while I went to the doctor. Before I left, I even packed Evan's diaper bag, thinking maybe he would be born today. I was 36 1/2 weeks pregnant.

I arrived at the doctor's office and I really thought I felt Evan kick me in the waiting room, so I was comforted some before I went in. The sweet assistant, Elizabeth, who had tended to me every time before, smiled her sweet smile as she got me ready to check the heartbeat. She used the Doppler to check for the heartbeat, but she could not find it. After about 2 or 3 minutes she called in another nurse to try. She could not find it either. Finally, they called in the nurse practitioner. They said "She ALWAYS finds the heartbeat." She couldn't find it either. The nurse practitioner kept telling me he was probably just in a funny position and maybe it would be best to just get a sonogram. She sounded so confident, so I believed her.

They called the sonograph office, located just upstairs, to tell them I was coming. I called Cory to tell him to come to the doctor just in case something was wrong. It wasn't until I said the words out loud to Cory, "They can't find the heartbeat," that I got upset. I then called my dear friend, Tori, to see if Cory could bring Allison over there. I can still remember the crying sound in Tori's voice when I told her what I knew.

Before I could even get off the phone with Tori, they were calling me back into the sonogram room, about 10am by this point. They led me in, and the nurse began to look at Evan with the ultrasound on the screen. She seemed to be stalling by looking at the head, feet and other body parts. I was anxious to see the beating heart of course. She finally pointed to a spot on the black and white screen and said "There's the heart..."

"It's not beating..." I said quietly.

She said, "I know, I'm sorry..."

So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous hand.
Isaiah 41:10

11 comments:

JJC said...

love you. really, a day doesn't go by that i don't think of him. there are some things that i'll just never understand.

thanks for letting us know about your littlest boy. :) what a joy!

emk said...

April, I was so thrilled to hear about your pregnancy-- and a boy! Hooray! I am so glad that these past months have brought healing and joy. Can't wait to read about new baby Lieder on these blog pages!

KellyB said...

April, I too think of Evan all the time. Thank you for sharing your heart in this blog.

It was so great to get your note and find out about Allison and Evan's little brother arriving in December. We're thrilled for your whole family!

jj said...

April - I think about you and evan often. I'm very excited that you will be having another boy. I had a miscarriage in January, although I was only 9 weeks. I know how much harder it must be to lose a child so close to term. We are expecting our third baby in October!

Kristin Myers said...

April, I found your blog a couple of months ago, I check back often for a post. I think of you and your family often. I admire your strength through this difficult time. I am thrilled to hear about your upcoming joy. He will be a little blessing!

The Original 2 Prices said...

Rejoicing with your family at the happy news of your second son, and praying for continued hope, healing, and peace.

brenna said...

Love you, April.

Christian Family said...

love you and want to tell you that we think of Evan and your sweet family so often!
You are the absolute SWEETEST...note is coming soon, but wanted to tell you we LOVE the burpies!!!
Hope to see yall soon and we are SO EXCITED for your baby boy coming soon!!!

zaf_fam_tx said...

Hey April, it's Judy Jaeckle. I found your blog earlier this year also and have been praying for your family this entire time. You will not believe this, but you gave me a Gap shirt at Baylor, and I still have it and think of you and your family every time I wear it. I told you I liked it one day, and when I went to go get one at Gap, they were out. I was so disappointed! When you asked if I had gotten it yet, I told you that there were none left. So what did sweet April do? You gave me your shirt! :o) What a sweet girl, I haven't forgotten about your kindness. I wore it today, before I had the thought to check your blog. So I have actually been thinking about you all day!

Peace, love, and strength, judy j.

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